Gaia's Hidden Crazyness
by eikothewerewolf
Summary: A completly crazy story with no real meaning at all. Probably OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**Gaia's Hidden Craziness**

**OR**

**Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.**

**_Rating_**: PG  
**_Genre_**: Comedy  
**_Setting: _**Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto  
**_Main Characters_**: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin

**_Note from the Authoress_**: Erm, yeah, my brain has melted, making this completely pointless and lacking of any sort of sense. But hopefully amusing. I'm at a loss to see the resemblance to the games….

_**Part 1**_

_**In Which Stiltzkin Sells Sugar **_

_**OR **_

_**a Weird Wyrd! **_

Blank, Zidane, Garnett, Vivi, Eiko and Steiner were wandering vaguely through the ice cavern. Eiko was amusing herself by lobbing snowballs at Steiner's back, giggling whenever he got angry, and started jumping up and down in his rusty armour. As they wandered through the icy paths, which grew icier by the second, they slipped and slid from side to side, Vivi was finding it hard to keep his balance, and kept slipping over. Garnett didn't fare any better; she had now resorted to crawling along, unable to stand on the slippery floor. Blank held the feeling that Eiko was trying to get Steiner to fall over, just to see what would happen. And so, they very slowly made their way through the cavern. They were drawing near a small junction. Who knew where each passage led? They skated, crawled, skipped and jumped up to the crossroads. As they approached, a gust of wind blew through the cavern. Eiko shouted out indignantly.

"Really, Steiner! Was there any need for that?" Steiner jumped angrily, his rusty armour clanking.

"That wasn't me!" He jumped around a bit more before calming slightly and adding "Anyway, whoever smelt it dealt it!" Eiko shrugged her shoulders

"I didn't smell anything!" Angered, Steiner jumped around some more. A voice rang out in the midst of the wind, that was now going round in circles.

OUT OF MY WAY

Blank scratched his head; the voice had seemed to be directed at him. So he moved aside. The wind went past him and then…

SMACK.

The group winced. The wind had slammed right into the wall. They stared pityingly at the poor little gust of wind. Then Steiner jumped up and down again.

"This is stupid! Why are we feeling sorry for wind? It can't feel anything!" The others looked at Steiner as if he were crazy. Then Vivi pointed at the mass of whirling wind at the bottom of the wall.

"Look! The wind is clearing up!" they looked, and sure enough, the wind was indeed clearing. In its place was a rather mangled looking monster, with two fangs, sharp and pointy. It was a wyrd. Eiko gave a squeal.

"Awww, it's so cute! Let's keep it as a pet!" She ran up and hugged it. It gave a squeak and tried to struggle against her, desperate to escape. She merely hugged it tighter. "Come on blank! Hit it with that capture sword you stole from that Tidus guy!" Blank shrugged, and made to hit the monster with the sword. It gave another squeak before screaming out in a rush

PLEASE! DON'T CAPTURE ME!!! I CAN GIVE YOU IMPORTANT HINTS

OF HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE!!

Eiko made an annoyed sound.

"Dammit! There goes my new pet! And I was going to call him Cuddles!" Blank sheathed the sword.

"Ok, then! Talk. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life as Cuddles." The wyrd took a couple of steps backwards and started to talk.

OK THEN. YOU DON'T WANT TO GO RIGHT AT THIS JUNCTION UP

AHEAD! IT WILL LEAD TO HOT SPRINGS. YOU'LL NEVER WANT

TO LEAVE THE HOT SPRINGS. THEREFORE, YOU SHOULD GO…

Garnett interrupted the monster.

"Oh, goody! Hot springs! Let's go to the hot springs!" The others nodded in agreement, and they all ran to the right at the junction. The wyrd watched them go.

WELL, THEY CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN THEM! AND HOW DID

SHE KNOW MY NAME WAS CUDDLES?

The group wandered down the passageway. It wasn't a long passageway. Soon, it came out in the Hot Springs. Lying in the middle of the springs was a moogle. Another stood just to the side, going through a little bag. The one in the springs was muttering to himself.

"So warm, so very, very warm." The one by the bag straightened, turning to face the group. It gave a squeal of happiness

"Yay, customers Kupo!!" He did a little skip and dance, before running up to the group. "Have I got a bargain for you Kupo!" Garnett waved her hands.

"Who are you?" The moogle stopped, and thought about this question for a while.

"I'm….Stiltzkin! Kupo, that's me. Your friendly neighbourhood sales moogle." Steiner stared for a moment.

"Neighbourhood? You're in the middle of a cavern which nobody ever goes in!" Stiltzkin stared at Steiner.

"You're crazy Kupo! Obviously people enter this cavern; otherwise you wouldn't be here telling me that nobody enters the cavern." The rest of the group nodded in agreement. Stiltzkin continued talking. "Anyways, my fuzz-less friends, this is the deal of a lifetime! For just 900,000 gil, I will give you each a sugar cube! You couldn't get a better deal than this!" The group nodded. It sounded like a complete bargain. And why on Gaia would something as cute as Stiltzkin lie to them? Zidane pulled out the money handing it over to the cute little moogle. Stiltzkin did a little dance of happiness.

"Kupo, you won't regret it! The sugary sweetness will put you in a good mood for days to come!" With that, he handed out the sugar, before giving a squeal and doing a cannonball into the hot springs. Unfortunately, Steiner was to close to the springs, and ended up getting soaked. He jumped up and down in anger. Blank leaned over and whispered to Zidane.

"Why do we keep him with us? He's got one hell of a temper!" Zidane whispered back

"Mreh, it's amusing to watch him jump up and down in his rusty armour." With that, he ate the sugar lump.

END OF PART 1


	2. Chapter 2

**Gaia's Hidden Craziness**

**OR**

**Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.**

**_Rating_**: PG  
**_Genre_**: Comedy  
**_Setting: _**Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto  
**_Main Characters_**: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin

_**Part 2**_

**_In Which Steiner's Armour Gets Even Rustier _**

_**OR **_

_**Who Taught Them the Agadoo?**_

Five minutes had past since the tiny sugar lumps had been handed out. The effect, however, was tremendously huge. Vivi was running around in circles, talking complete gibberish. Eiko was jumping around claiming to be a teapot. Blank and Garnett were simultaneously singing random songs while all the time dancing to the Agadoo. Zidane was scurrying around telling them all that the little elves were coming. Stiltzkin could be heard in the background laughing somewhat evilly. At least, as evilly as a cute fluffy moogle could laugh. Steiner, the only one who had not eaten the sugar cubes, was jumping up and down on the spot, demanding some sort of sense, and screaming at Zidane. Garnett ran up to Zidane, eyes twitching.

"Let's push rusty into the spring!" Zidane's eyes were flitting all around the room, never settling in one spot for longer than a few seconds.

"Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!" He jumped around clapping his hands. Blank let out a wild, high-pitched giggle, causing Eiko to cower behind Stiltzkin. Together, Garnett and Zidane pounced on Steiner, dragging him towards the spring, a difficult feat, considering he was still jumping up and down in rage!

With a splash, he was forced into the spring, still shouting! Giggling, the others ran away.

Zidane skipped out of the ice cavern with the rest of the group just behind him. Garnett stretched in the weak sun. Zidane scratched his head.

"Now what?" the group lounged around on the rocks for a while, until they heard a distinct creaking heading their way. Garnett jumped to her feet, screaming.

"AHHH! IT'S A MONSTER!" The rest of the group jumped up as well, before scattering across the plains. Eiko followed Blank towards the gates to Lindblum, while Garnett and Zidane ran off towards Dali. Meanwhile Vivi jumped off the nearby cliff. As a result, when Steiner reached the entrance, his armour covered in even more rust than ever, and creaking at every step, there was no one in sight. He ran to one side of the platform where the others had been lounging, then, he turned and ran to the other side. He ran back to the middle. He stared around in a circle. He tapped his foot. Then a voice spoke.

"Really man! Stop tapping your foot! It's like a minor explosion!" Arms folded, Stiltzkin walked slowly out of the cave.

"But, everyone's gone! They just abandoned me!" Steiner blinked sadly. Stiltzkin shook his head.

"Cry you should!" Steiner blinked then burst into tears.

"No one loves me!" Stiltzkin nodded wisely.

"Search, you must. Find them, you will." Steiner jumped up and down, still crying.

"But I don't know where they went."

"The force, you must use!" Steiner blinked, and stopped crying.

"You mean I need to bully people into telling me where they are? Thanks crazy small thing!" With that he jumped up and ran out into the plains.

"No! Wait!" But it was too late. Steiner was to far away to hear Stiltzkin's shout. Stiltzkin sighed.

"Stop talking like this, I must."

END OF PART 2


	3. Chapter 3

**Gaia's Hidden Craziness**

**OR**

**Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.**

**_Rating_**: PG  
**_Genre_**: Comedy  
**_Setting: _**Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto  
**_Main Characters_**: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin

_**Part 3**_

_**In Which Eiko Encounters the Friendly Monsters **_

_**OR **_

_**Graffiti in Gaia**_

Eiko skipped ahead on the plains outside the Ice Cavern, nearly at the gates that led to Lindblum. Behind her Blank wandered along swinging his sword around, generally mutilating anything that got in his way. Eiko was singing out of tune. They passed a clump of bushes in the plain, when suddenly, out from them, stepped a Mu. Eiko stopped and blinked at the little creature. It stared right back. Eiko blinked. Blank wandered up.

"Hey, cool, a red Mu!" Eiko bounced slightly, and then gave a squeal.

"Awwwww, it's so cute!" She ran forward and scooped the Mu up in her arms. "I'm gonna love you, and hug you, and kiss you, and call you George!" The Mu gave a squeak and squirmed against Eiko, trying desperately to escape.

"I only wanted an Ore! Lemme go!" Eiko continued crooning over the Mu. Blank gazed sympathetically at the little creature, which had now turned purple due to Eiko's bear like hug cutting off its air supply. He tapped Eiko on the shoulder.

"Let it go!" Eiko stared at Blank

"But its mine!" Tears welled up in her eyes. The Mu squirmed more.

"There are cuter friendly monsters out there! Their far more cuddly than I am! Go to Treno and you'll find the next one!" Now, most people would have read the story of the three Billy goats and therefore realise that they should have caged the Mu before looking for more cuddly monsters, then, should things go wrong, they would still have the Mu. However, fairy stories hadn't been introduced to Gaia, so Eiko didn't know the story of the three Billy goats and therefore let the Mu go, accompanied by a squeal at the thought of even cuddlier monsters to hug. She grabbed Blank by the hand and dragged him away.

The Mu brushed a drop of sweat from his forehead.

"Phew," He breathed, "That was a close one! I don't envy Yeti when that girl gets hold of him!" With that he scampered away, back to his home, to pack away his vast supply of ore, that he had accumulated by acting cute and injured in front of travellers, before relocating to somewhere far safer, just in case the girl came back.

Skipping along, Eiko and Blank came to the gates of Lindblum. Giggling they skipped inside and ran along the path. They came to a junction. A sign was their only direction. Eiko gave a gasp

"Oh my! A junction! Whatever shall we do? We cannot possibly know which way to go!" Blank blinked.

"And there might be wild creatures down the wrong passage!" Eiko gave a squeal.

"Wild creatures? Things that eat" She gulped "Tuna?"

"Some maybe, but mostly Lions and Tigers and Bears," Eiko gave a sigh of relief.

"Oh, that's ok then! I thought it was going to be something scary! But which way to Treno?"

"Hark! A sign! Let us read the sacred sign! It may give us some inclination of the direction in which we might venture!"

"Yeah, and it might tell us which way to go too!" Blank blinked. He and Eiko leaned forward and read the words carved on the sign. They both blinked.

"Well, what do you know, Steiner IS gay!! I owe Zidane 500 gil!" Eiko gave a giggle. "But it doesn't say which way. Ah well, lets just go left." They headed down the road.

Unfortunately, they picked the turning to Lindblum, not Treno.

Steiner stared at the steep drop. Well, one could possibly make it over this ravine. He gave a groan and turned, heading towards the town of Dali. He got bored on the way and killed a small red Mu that was hurrying past with a suitcase. He didn't see the large bird carrying a kicking and screaming mage in the direction of Alexandria.

END OF PART 3


	4. Chapter 4

**Gaia's Hidden Craziness**

**OR**

**Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.**

**_Rating_**: PG  
**_Genre_**: Comedy  
**_Setting: _**Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto  
**_Main Characters_**: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin

**_Note from the Authoress: _**HAHA! This part makes me laugh! One of my faves (so Far)! Poor Vivi! By the way, the alternative reality that Vivi talks about happened when I got bored and named him Puck. Oh, and I don't own Happy Days.

_**Part 4**_

_**In Which Vivi Learns The Joys Of Skipping **_

_**OR **_

_**Rat Boys Limited Name Definition. **_

Vivi had run towards the cliffs. He stopped at the end, teetering on the tips of his toes, about to fall. The next thing he knew a large bird somewhat resembling a Zuu dived out of nowhere and picked him up. He kicked and screamed as it flew him in the direction of Alexandria. It flew low over the buildings before swooping into the church tower. It dropped him in a nest. Oh dear god, thought Vivi, I'm dinner! But the next thing that happened was that the Zuu tried to feed him a worm. Vivi blinked.

"But I don't like worms!" He moaned, pushing it away. The Zuu didn't appear to understand him though, for it merely pushed the worm towards him with greater force.

Some time, and far too many worms for Vivi's liking later, the Zuu had fallen asleep, its wing protectively around Vivi. Carefully, he pushed the wing off of him. He crept slowly backwards, and then leaped off the steeple. He landed on a small person running below. He blinked several times before a voice, somewhat muffled, called out.

"Oi! Gerroffme!" He levered himself upwards, and revealed someone he recognised.

"Rat Boy!" The boy who closely resembled a rat stood up, grumbling a bit, and brushed himself down.

"Hey! It's Mage Boy!" Vivi blinked.

"Wait a second! I was never referred to as that! I was Pointy Hat Boy! Not Mage boy! How stupid could you get?" Rat Boy sniffed,

"Well, whatever, it's better than your stupid name!"

"You wanna talk stupid names? Well, let's talk about you! Although stupidity seems to be the only attribute you have! Do you know in an alternative reality I was given the same name as you and you STILL said it was stupid! I think your just nameist! I mean, if I told you my name was the Fonz, you'd probably STILL say it was stupid!" Rat Boy blinked,

"Who the hell is the Fonz?" Vivi shook his head disappointedly.

"Really, what do they teach children today? The Fonz is only the very embodiment of Cool! He was portrayed in a TV show called Happy Days." Rat Boy now looked incredibly confused.

"TV show?" Vivi blinked too. Where on Gaia did that come from? It was as if someone was placing words in his mouth.

A little way away a very bored authoress giggled evilly, and wrote on a piece of magic parchment _Vivi suddenly got an urge to wear women__'s underwear. _

Vivi turned to Rat Boy

"Where's the nearest lingerie shop in Alexandria? I have an urge to buy myself a neon pink thong" Rat Boy blinked, then screamed and ran away. Vivi opened and closed his mouth in horror. He hadn't really just said what he thought he just said. Had he? He shrugged. Well, it's not as if anyone would believe Rat Boy anyway.

Vivi wandered through the streets of Alexandria. Fortunately for the little mage, lingerie shops didn't exist in Final Fantasy games, so he was saved the humiliation of buying a pink thong. As he crossed the town square for the fourteenth time, he was aware that a bunch of girls were playing with a skipping rope. He ambled over.

"Can I play to?" The girls nodded and Vivi took his place in the middle of the skipping rope. The girls started to turn it for him to jump over. Vivi jumped over the rope. By the gods, this game was fun! He wanted to play it forever and ever and ever. He jumped over the rope, which was increasing speed quickly. He felt so confident in his ability that he started pulling off fancy moves. Then he tripped over the rope. He fell rather heavily and landed with a thud in the muddy earth behind him, where the innkeeper had just watered the plants. He stood up, somewhat dazed, and looked over his shoulder. He blinked. He couldn't possibly go around with a dirty brown stain on his coat like that. Who knows what people might think? He headed over to the tailor shop, hoping his pitiful amount of change would buy a change of clothes.

Steiner wandered through the streets of Dali. They were quiet. A little too quiet. There couldn't possibly be anyone here! They had eaten too much sugar to be quiet. He jumped up and down in rage, and then stomped out of the town. He didn't hear giggling that came from behind a bush.

END OF PART 4


	5. Chapter 5

**Gaia's Hidden Craziness**

**OR**

**Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.**

**_Rating_**: PG  
**_Genre_**: Comedy  
**_Setting: _**Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto  
**_Main Characters_**: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin

_**Part 5**_

_**In Which An Inn Gets Trashed **_

_**OR **_

_**How To Make A Bartender Mad.**_

Zidane and Garnett watched Steiner walk away. The second he was out of sight, they burst into laughter. An innocent passer by jumped and had a heart attack as the bush started laughing. Another innocent passer became incredibly paranoid, and spent the rest of his life muttering that the bushes, and various other inanimate objects, were laughing behind his back. A third passer by was with a remote paper that was published in an unknown place deep in the hills.

A few days later, the village that the paper was published in had shrines worshipping the magnificent laughing bush. There were t-shirts sold on every corner stating: "I came to the village looking for a laughing bush and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." Subsequently tourists got annoyed at the lack of laughing bushes and the village was burnt down in a raid by government officials attempting to cover up rumours of an alien sighting. It seems they got the wrong village.

Garnett and Zidane skipped through the town. It didn't take them too long because Dali is a small village. They got to the farm at the end. Zidane turned around and skipped back. Garnett stayed around. There was an old woman, or at least Garnett assumed it was an old woman. It was somewhat hard to tell. She stood innocently to the side.

"Whatcha doing?" She asked in an innocent, high pitched voice

"Farming" Said the farmer.

"Oooo, what's that?" Garnett asked.

"It's where crops are planted and then dug up."

"That seems like a waste of time. Why plant stuff if you're going to dig it up immediately?" The farmer clicked its tongue in annoyance.

"We don't dig it up immediately!"

"But you just said…" Garnett whined.

"Don't be stupid. Go away" So Garnett went away, wondering vaguely where Zidane had gone.

Zidane was in the bar. A girl stood behind it drying glasses with a cloth. This isn't surprising as bar staff are generally trained to never be seen by someone walking into a bar, unless they are drying glasses with a cloth. Anyway, Zidane was trying to get a drink.

"Sorry, we can't serve you," Said the girl.

"Why?" Zidane asked.

"Because we aren't open yet!"

"Why?"

"Because we don't open til later!"

"Why?"

"Because everyone is at work until then!"

"Why?" By now the girl was losing her temper.

"BECAUSE they need to earn a living!"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE otherwise they would die!"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE they need to buy food to stay alive!"

"Why?"

"THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE QUESTIONS!" The girl slammed the glass she was drying on the bar. It shattered. She screamed and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. The door fell off its hinges. Zidane blinked and stared at the door for a moment. Then he shrugged, jumped behind the bar and helped himself to several bottles of drink.

Garnett skipped through the streets

"Zidane! Oh Zidany! Ickle Wickle Ziddy?" Zidane cringed as he heard Garnett calling him "Ickle Wickle Ziddy". He jumped out from behind a bush.

"Let's go to the Inn!" They ran to the Inn quickly. The innkeeper stared as they entered.

"We want a room!" Garnett poked Zidane.

"Room-SA" Zidane blinked.

"But there's only one room…"

"That's not good enough!" Garnett picked up a lamp from a nearby table and threw it at Zidane. He dodged and it hit the Innkeeper. Zidane retaliated and through several books at Garnett. She screamed and grabbed a cat, throwing that at Zidane. The cat yowled, and clawed its way up the curtains, ripping them so they fell, and leapt on the bookcase. Zidane had just dodged a vase and bumped into said bookcase. The bookcase was wobbling and the cat's weight caused it to topple. It fell with a smash as the cat ran past Garnett causing her to fall backwards into an antique table. Which broke under her weight. More random objects were thrown before the Innkeeper got over the shock of seeing his beautiful Inn trashed. He then screamed and swore at the two travellers. Garnett and Zidane exchanged glances, and then ran. Zidane was faster than Garnett was and there was soon a distance between them. They ran out of the village and onto the plains.

Steiner had wandered over to the lookout point. He stared across the sky. He ground his teeth together. Then he jumped up and down in anger.

"Curses! Their nowhere to be found! Princess!" He fell to his knees and started sobbing. A little old man wandered up the path.

"Hey, Rusty!" Steiner growled. "You looking for a monkey tailed boy, a thief, a black mage and a little girl with purple hair?" Steiner's left eye twitched.

"No. As a matter of fact, I'm looking for the princess that accompanies that band of ruffians. I take it you've seen them." The old man blinked.

"Seen who?" Steiner growled again and turned to look across the plains. He blinked and stared harder.

"There they go!" He ran off in the direction he had just seen Zidane running. Garnett was quite a long way behind now. On his way, he knocked over the old man. The old man squeaked.

"Ah! My back! Help! Someone… Anyone?" He sighed, "Why don't I ever get any visitors."

END OF PART 5


	6. Chapter 6

**Gaia's Hidden Craziness**

**OR**

**Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.**

**_Rating_**: PG  
**_Genre_**: Comedy  
**_Setting: _**Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto  
**_Main Characters_**: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin

**_Note from the Authoress:_** Erm, before anyone points it out, I KNOW Blank and Eiko were heading to Lindblum. But they found no monsters there and headed back the way they had come!

_**Part 6**_

_**In Which Cheese Is Highly Involved**_

_**OR**_

_**A Flashback**_

_**(In Which Cheese Is Highly Involved)**_

Eiko and Blank had searched high and low outside the city of Treno. But there had been no sign of the next cuddly monster. So they headed to Treno. The walked up and down the streets.

"This is BORING!" Moaned Eiko. Blank randomly picked the pocket of a passing Noble.

"Ewww! He had gum in his pocket!" Blank looked at the sticky mess of gum that now covered his hand. Eiko giggled.

"Come on!" Blank grabbed hold of Eiko's arm with his gum covered hand and dragged her off to a nearby lake. Eiko stood there pulling the gooey mess off of her arm while Blank attempted to wash it off of his hand. Eiko yawned.

"Let's find something to do!" They wandered through town. Eiko suddenly froze, staring over towards the auction house. A very familiar figure with a monkey tail sat there. Alone. Eiko clutched at her chest.

"He's not with Garnett! This is my chance!" she looked around. "Damn! How am I supposed to win his heart?" Blank had just noticed that Eiko was no longer walking beside him. He turned around and wandered back.

"Hey look! It's Zidane! Let's go chat!" Eiko gasped. All right, she thought to herself, just breathe! They walked over to him.

"Hey Zidane! Where's the princess?" Zidane looked up. He had a bottle in his hand.

"Erm, I think I might have run too fast for her. I lost her around Gizamalukes Grotto…."

Blank blinked. Eiko blinked. Zidane blinked. Eiko looked at Blank. Blank looked at Eiko. They both looked at Zidane.

"Isn't that…a little bit out of the way?" Zidane jumped up.

"Well, yeah…how was I too know the princess couldn't run up mountains?" More blinking followed.

"Why didn't you turn back when you realised she wasn't with you." Zidane opened his mouth to answer, and then shut it again. He shrugged

"I dunno" Eiko grinned to herself. If she couldn't have the cuddly monsters, it looked like she would at least get Zidane.

"Hey lets go to an auction!"

"You go" Zidane muttered, "I don't particularly want t be seen in there after last time."

FLASHBACK

Zidane Stood at the back of an auction. He was wearing a long cloak. Soon the mystical item he had been sent here to steal would be put in the room at the back, where all items that were bid for were placed until their owners collected them.

"Lot number 43523: priceless diamond earrings, studded with rubies and emeralds. Shall we start the bidding at 6000 gil?" Zidane yawned. What a load of junk. They had already got into the millions and were still bidding strong. Eventually someone brought it for 3424500000 Gil. Zidane rolled his eyes. What a waste of money.

"Ok then," The auctioneer called "Lot 43524, A Piece of the finest Cheese. Shall we start the bidding at 2 gil?" Zidane Listened carefully. Here was what he was after. He looked carefully at each bidder. Eventually a Woman wearing a Green Top hat brought it for 15 Gil. The item was taken out back. Silently Zidane creeped out the back. There was the cheese. Carefully he picked it up and slipped it in his pocket. Then, turning tail, he ran outside. Straight into a tall guy with Red Hair. He stared at the guy for a while. Next, a load of guards ran out. Zidane glanced at them then pointed at the tall red head.

"Help! He stole the cheese!"

"What?!" The redhead looked surprised. But the guards surrounded him and Zidane fled.

END FLASHBACK

"Ah well," Eiko said sympathetically. "I'll just go on my own then!" She skipped inside. Hmmm, she thought, maybe I can buy something to win Zidane's heart.

"Ok," the auctioneer stood at the front, with nobles all watching him. "Lot number 13. A Piece of cheese! Shall we start the bidding at 2 Gil?" Cheese! Eiko thought. Perfect!

"2 Gil" Someone shouted. Oh no you don't! Thought Eiko.

"4 gil!"

"6"

"8"

"15!"

"SOLD! For 15 Gil!"

"YAY!" Eiko squealed. She picked up her cheese and ran out to Zidane.

"Zidane! I brought you a present!" She proudly handed over the cheese. Zidane took the cheese wordlessly.

"Um, thanks" Eiko stamped her foot.

"Well? Don't you like it?" She demanded

"I said thanks!"

"But you didn't sound like you meant it! I'm Gonna go and find Vivi!" She stormed off. Blank glanced at Zidane.

"We better follow her. Who knows what poor monsters she'll try to capture otherwise." Zidane nodded at they both ran after Eiko.

Garnett was wandering around Gizamalukes grotto. Suddenly she hear metal clink. I know that noise, she thought. She turned around as Steiner came into view.

END OF PART 6


	7. Chapter 7

**Gaia's Hidden Craziness**

**OR**

**Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.**

**_Rating_**: PG  
**_Genre_**: Comedy  
**_Setting: _**Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto  
**_Main Characters_**: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin

_**Part 7**_

_**In Which Steiner Gets Told Off **_

_**OR **_

_**Lamia And Steiner: The Secret Love**_

Garnett stamped her foot angrily. She glared somewhat evilly at Steiner.

"Well?" She demanded. Steiner scratched his head, somewhat bewildered.

"Well what?"

"Don't you give me that mister! You know full well what I'm talking about!" Steiner rubbed his rusty helmet.

"It's not about that mouse I let loose in your room ten years ago is it?" Garnett opened her

mouth to retort then stopped in amazement.

"You were the one who killed mister Huggles?" Now it was Steiner's turn to look amazed.

"Mister….Huggles?"

"Yes my little kitty cat!"

"You mean that monster who tried to rip to pieces anyone who came near it? What problem would it have with a mouse?"

"It's not an it! It's a he!"

"You just called it an it!" Garnett gave a wail of annoyance.

"Look what you made me do you big Meany! You're a bad naughty boy! Now go to your room"

"But princess, we're miles away from Alexandria!"

"Then go to that room! That one there!" She stamped her foot and pointed in the direction of a doorway.

"Yes princess" Steiner slouched towards the room. Garnett angrily watched him leave, then gave a high-pitched giggle and ran away.

Steiner sat dejectedly on a chair. Now what was he supposed to do? He couldn't just sit here and leave the princess in this dark and gloomy place. He jumped up, his rusty armour clanking. That's it! He would follow the princess. He ran out of the room.

The princess was nowhere to be seen. Steiner jumped up and down angrily. A shriek made him stand still however. It sounded quite near. He turned, slowly. Right behind him a Lamia hovered. Steiner slowly moved his hand down to his sword. The monster gave another shriek.

"What a handsome young man!" It wailed in a creepy, disembodied voice. Steiner looked cautiously over his shoulder, wondering who the monster was referring too. When he saw no one there he came to the conclusion that it was trying to trick him. He brandished his sword!

"Back! Foul creature!" The Lamia started swaying from side to side.

"Such mean words. I must charm you!" It swayed more. Steiner found himself thinking how beautiful the Lamia looked in the glowing lantern in Gizamalukes grotto. He dropped his sword and stared at it, slack jawed. The Lamia gave a laugh, which turned into a scream as something hit it from behind. It turned, hissing. Behind it stood Garnett. She flipped her hair and readied herself to attack again.

"You leave Rusty alone, you big bully!" She attacked again, causing the Lamia to shriek. Steiner picked up his sword and jumped in front of the monster.

"You will not hurt the woman I love!" Garnett froze.

"Steiner? You… love me?" Steiner tutted.

"Not you! My darling Lamia!" Garnett stared for a second. Then, she burst out laughing. Steiner looked slightly abashed.

"What's so funny?" Garnett, gasping with laughter, replied.

"You! You're not even the same species as that monster! How can you claim your in love with her?!" Steiner's bottom lip quivered. Then, in a totally unexpected and completely out of character moment, he burst into tears. The Lamia stared at him in disgust.

"What a baby!" She hissed, before slithering out of the room.

Garnet sat down, and waited for Steiner to stop blubbering. Eventually, he regained control of himself. He rubbed his head, somewhat embarrassed.

"Let's…never mention this again!" He said, sheepishly. Garnett nodded. It was far to traumatising for her to remember.

"Come along then! Let's head back to Alexandria. I'm sure we will get lots of food and stuff there! Which is a good thing, since none of us have actually eaten a single morsel of food since those sugar cubes back in the ice cavern." Both paused, lost in their own thoughts. This is what their thoughts sounded like:

Steiner thought, oh dear god! Those damned sugar cubes! They were how all the trouble started. If I ever see that damned moogle again, I'll… I'll… I'll ignore him completely! Yeah, that will show him whose boss. Maybe the sugar cubes made the thief and his friends so hyper that they thought they could fly. Then we wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. Still, at least the princess is safe. Now all I have to do is get her back to Alexandria. And that won't be too hard because she wants to go back!

Garnett thought, mmmm, sugar cubes.

They both stood up and walked out of the grotto, headed back home to Alexandria.

END OF PART 7


	8. Chapter 8

**Gaia's Hidden Craziness**

**OR**

**Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle**.

**_Rating_**: PG  
**_Genre_**: Comedy  
**_Setting: _**Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto  
**_Main Characters_**: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin

**_Note from the Authoress: _**Poor Vivi! He's had a bit of an ordeal through this story! Still at least the others like him!

_**Part 8**_

_**In Which Brains Start To Melt**_

_**OR **_

_**How To Squish A Vivi**_

Vivi sat down, rather self consciously, on the steps to the palace. He had visited the tailors shop but all his measly amount of Gil could buy was a silk shirt. Now, he just felt stupid. He gazed vaguely across the courtyard, watching people bustling about their everyday business. A splodge of purple caught his attention. He turned to get a better look, only to have Eiko throw herself at him with a shriek.

"Vivi!!" Eiko hugged Vivi. Vivi hit Eiko's arm.

"Can't…. breathe!" He gasped. Eiko giggled and released her grip.

"You silly!" Vivi, gasping for air, shook his head. Two more cries of "Vivi" caught his attention, and, before he could turn properly, Blank and Zidane had launched themselves at him and were now hugging him in slightly less of a bear hug than Eiko had but in a bear hug nonetheless. Eiko jumped on Vivi's head and proceeded to kick both Zidane and Blank over their heads.

"Stop it! He can't breathe!" Zidane and Blank let go of Vivi, and he collapsed to the ground, Eiko still standing on his head. He groaned in agony.

"What'd you say buddy?!" Eiko asked, jumping off of his head. Vivi rubbed his hand on his head.

"I said: you're standing on my head!" Eiko gave Vivi a blank glance.

"No I'm not! I'm standing right next to you silly!" Vivi shook his head in defeat.

"Well, at least theirs no one else to throw themselves at me!" The group fell silent, staring in all directions, waiting for someone else to launch themselves at Vivi. Vivi blinked in surprise when no one appeared and tried again.

"Yep, there's no one else who can throw themselves at me!" The group stared round again. Still, no one threw themselves at Vivi. Vivi blinked.

"Well, I'll be damned! I guess there really isn't anyone to throw themselves at me!" He stood up, closing his eyes in despair when suddenly a shriek reached his ears.

"VIVI!!!!" Next thing he knew, Garnett had flung herself at him, pulling him in a tight bear hug. Vivi gave an exasperated sigh. Eventually, Garnett let him go and he was able to see Steiner standing a little way away looking annoyed at Garnett's public display of affection. Vivi turned to him.

"What, your not gonna throw yourself at me too?" Steiner jumped up and down in annoyance.

"Why would I want to throw myself at an annoying little boy? That would be worse than throwing myself at the thief!" Zidane blinked his eyes in surprise.

"Why, Rusty! I didn't know you cared!" Steiner stopped leaping about in rage.

"What?! You despicable creature! How dare you find meaning in my words" With that he launched himself at Zidane, who nimbly dodged to the side. Unfortunately he was standing right in front of Vivi, resulting in Vivi getting squished by Steiner. But just when it looked like things couldn't get any worse, an after rush of the sugar came along. The group started jumping around, gibbering mindlessly, and, in an amazing feat of strength Vivi lifted Steiner and threw him across the courtyard! Then, still gibbering, the sugar high caused the group to run into the palace.

It would be to terrifying to describe exactly what happened in the palace, but I can say that it involved a lot of trauma to people whose brains hadn't been melted by sugar. But I can say that the mad rush ended in the kitchen, with chefs fleeing for their sanity, our heroes collapsed in a comfy sofa that was there for no particular reason, and gorged themselves on the food that lay all around. It was a scene of pure contentment.

Meanwhile, disturbed by the fact that he had just been thrown across the courtyard by a nine-year-old boy, Steiner had donned a long cloak, possibly as a disguise, although the creaking of his armour told everyone who it was. He fought his way through the evil forest, battled harsh storms to arrive at the ice cavern, and hauled himself through the ice cavern. He fought his way up to Dali, before staring around. A bright tent caught his eye. He ran as fast as he could to the tent before entering it. Sitting inside, smoking a miniature pipe, was Stiltzkin. Steiner threw himself to the ground.

"Oh great Moogle! I have fought my way from Alexandria to find you! I have fought my way through the Evil Forest, battled harsh storms to arrive at the Ice Cavern, hauled myself through the Ice Cavern, and fought my way up to Dali!" Stiltzkin held up a hand to silence Steiner.

"You did all that just to find me? Kupo, why didn't you just give me a ring?" Steiner blinked.

"A…ring?"

"Yeah Kupo! A ring, a call, you should have phoned me!" A little tune that sounded like battle music started playing. Steiner stared in amazement as Stiltzkin picked up a small oblong thing, flipped it open and started talking into it.

"Talk to me Kupo! Uh-huh. Yeah. Right. Cool. Ok I'm with a customer right now…NO not that sort of customer! That's sick Kupo! I'll be there as soon as I can. Right. Earth? don't worry, I'll find it! Ok Kupo. Bye!" He flipped the "phone" shut and turned to Steiner.

"Ok Kupo, talk to me!"

END OF PART 8


	9. Chapter 9

**Gaia's Hidden Craziness**

**OR**

**Never Buy Sugar Cubes From a Cute Moogle.**

**_Rating_**: PG  
**_Genre_**: Comedy  
**_Setting: _**Alexandria, Treno, The Ice Cavern, Dali, Gizamalukes Grotto  
**_Main Characters_**: Zidane, Garnett, Steiner, Blank, Eiko, Vivi, and Stiltzkin

_**Part 9**_

_**In Which Stiltzkin Speaks Words Of Wisdom **_

_**OR **_

_**The Truth About The Lone Ranger**_

After hearing the story Steiner relayed to him, Stiltzkin collected a few things together and rushed off to Alexandria, muttering indiscreetly.

"Kupo, it would have been so much easier to take my jeep, but nooo! New things are too scary to these people, as if they don't have enough danger, flying around in those airships powered by mist. What if the engine were to go? They'd fall a lot further than we would if my jeep's engine died! Stupid Gaians! Can't wait to get to this earth place, they sound more open to ideas!" Steiner rushed behind Stiltzkin, panting heavily, and also muttering to himself.

"Stupid moogle. It isn't right, climbing inside big metal creatures to get from one place to the other! What if they swallowed?"

Eventually, the duo reached Alexandria though even they had no idea how they arrived there. A detailed search of the courtyard (glancing in all the corners as they ran through) showed them that the others where still inside the palace. More urgently now, Stiltzkin and stiener rushed inside. Sounds of screams and crashing came from a few rooms along. Stiltzkin drew a small wooden sword and pointed it in the direction of the noise.

"To the kitchens Kupo!" With an extravagant flourish the moogle bounded up onto Steiner's shoulders and dug his tiny paws in the knights neck. "Hi ho Steiner! Away!!" Steiner reached up a hand and rubbed his head.

"Hey that's pretty catchy!" Stiltzkin grinned, and Steiner set off to the kitchen.

The kitchen showed little sign of savage wrecking. Stiltzkin jumped off of Steiner's shoulders. Steiner looked disappointed.

"With all the commotion, I would have expected something more!" Stiltzkin walked over to a comfy sofa in the corner. Zidane and blank were collapsed on the sofa, Vivi and Eiko curled up on a rug nearby.

"Oh no!" Stiltzkin exclaimed, "We may be too late! We have to administer the antidote immediately!" Steiner looked alarmed.

"Antidote?"

"Yes, my medically challenged friend. Your friends are suffering from post depression due to the absence of sugar rush. They have fallen into a deep slumber! We have to waken them immediately. And there is only one way to do it!" Steiner fell to his knees.

"What is it doctor? Tell me!" Stiltzkin looked serious for a minute.

"Coffee."

"Coffee?"

"Coffee!" Steiner stood up, a look of disgust on his face.

"Coffee? That's the big antidote?" Stiltzkin looked alarmed at Steiner's obvious disgust.

"Well, the healing powers of coffee aren't something to be spoken about lightly! Coffee contains a special ingredient known as caff-ene. Its powerful stuff." Steiner thought about this for a moment.

"Well, that's ok then. Carry on." Stiltzkin nodded in relief and brewed up some coffee.

"Ok," he said, pouring the mix in two containers. "Administer the antidote. Remember to blow on it first. You don't want to burn their tongues." The two gave each of the four a sip of coffee. Soon they were waking up.

"Thank goodness. It was administered in time." Steiner was gazing at the small group, a frown on his face.

"Wait! Where's the princess?" Stiltzkin looked alarmed.

"She's not here?" Steiner shook his head then turned on Zidane.

"Ok monkey boy! Where is she?!" Zidane blinked sleepily

"Whozat?" Steiner jumped up and down in anger before running out of the kitchen in annoyance, to search the palace for garnet.

A scraping noise alerted Stiltzkin to the fact that someone else was in the kitchen. Curious. He went over to a cupboard in the corner. He opened the cup boarded and blinked inside. Garnett was asleep in the cupboard, cuddling a cat, which had been scratching at the door. He gave a sigh of relief and gave some coffee to Garnett. She blinked and sat up, releasing the cat who fled. Stiltzkin ushered her to the others.

"Well, then Kupo. Seems everyone is ok." Zidane rubbed his head.

"Is anything hitting my head with a hammer?" He queried. Stiltzkin looked surprised.

"No. Why?"

"No reason. Just my head is pounding." Stiltzkin nodded sagely.

"Which brings me to another point. While sugar is fun to eat, too much can have devastating side effects. Remember to have a bit of what is nice, but in moderation. And if you can't handle sugar rushes, be sure to have a friend to blame your actions on." The group nodded happily, before wandering out of the kitchen. Stiltzkin stood there for a moment before a beeping went off.

"Hmmm, they need me in Spira!" He looked around swiftly, before pressing his pom pom. Seconds later he teleported from the palace.

Just outside the kitchen the group stopped.

"So….do we have to start the journey again?" Vivi asked. The others thought for a second. Then Zidane spoke.

"To the hot springs!" the group cheered and ran from the palace.

Steiner was returning to the kitchen when he heard cheering. He ran forward just in time to see the last of the group run out of the door. He jumped up and down angrily.

"Dammit! They've gone again!" With that he ran after them.

THE END


End file.
